


Undertones

by Kaori_Nagisa



Series: The Prophet and the Virgin Mary [5]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 16:18:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5832304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaori_Nagisa/pseuds/Kaori_Nagisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long-awaited chance to speak again has Saren and Nova up most of the night, and forces Saren to confront unexpected information.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undertones

**Author's Note:**

> Worrying over Saren being IC again, but overall I think I'm happy with how this came out. It's fun getting into his head, even if it ends up being an exercise in patience (and also involves at least 5 tabs of research open, as well as a book). 
> 
> There will be another Interlude between this and the next story, with hopefully more messages between them than before.

Her nerves only seemed to be getting worse as the day wore on.

Nova still pushed herself to focus, making sure to keep up with her peers for the cardio and pace herself through strength training. It wouldn’t be good to let her excitement distract her from the tasks she was expected to do. If nothing else, she used the impending evening as a reminder to do well, for she’d risk Saren’s lecturing otherwise. The last thing she wanted to hear on her birthday was an old turian admonishing her for letting her head roll in the clouds while she should be pushing herself to her limit.

A lot of the other recruits stopped her throughout the day for well wishes, some even bearing small gifts of candy or other such things. They couldn’t go off-base very often, making the unremarkableness of the presents understandable - but Nova appreciated them all the more for the fact, honestly surprised anyone even knew it was her birthday. The only person from her old class who had remained in this division was Georgia, a rather tall girl with distinctly Italian features who she’d rarely spoken to before they went into the Alliance. Nova could only assume it was she who had alerted most of the other recruits on the base. The thought was appreciated, and she’d made a mental note to thank Georgia later. 

To her credit, Nova had very little performance drop through all of her classes, though one of the instructors did mention she seemed more impatient than usual. She was, in all honesty. Having woken up earlier that morning, she’d checked for a message from Saren, almost expecting to be disappointed by news he had been sent on assignment again. But reading the message that was sitting in her inbox had made a smile spread over her face, and she’d had to control herself from squealing like a child lest she wake everyone in the block earlier than necessary. The thought still brought a smile to her face as she recalled his message, informing her he would be available later that day for a call. Her heart had already been thumping in her chest before she’d even begun her exercises. She felt a little ridiculous, but the excitement just wouldn’t go away even as she tried to push it down in order to focus. 

It was an agonizing last few minutes before all the recruits were finally released for their designated free time before lights out. Upon the order, Nova almost ran out the door and made a beeline straight for her room, wanting to get a shower and wash off the day’s perspiration before settling in and waiting for his call. Even when a few of her peers offered to throw a little party for her in the mess hall, she graciously declined, merely thanking them for the offer but stating she was too tired to party much. It wasn’t exactly a lie; waking up far earlier than she was used to was beginning to take its toll, and she couldn’t help a small yawn as she finally entered into her barracks and packed up all the necessary toiletries for a shower. It was still a little uncomfortable going into a public shower in the girl’s restrooms, stalls or not, but it was just one more thing she’d had to get used to while on base. Thankfully she finished up without anyone else coming in, washing herself quickly but thoroughly and spending a little longer than was probably necessary going over herself in the mirror.

“Calm down, Nova. You aren’t getting ready for a date, just a vidcall...” she whispered to herself, sighing and backing away in annoyance. She’d silently admitted a month ago that she most definitely had a crush on Saren, but she refused to let it show. Between his disdain for her species and the way he’d reacted that morning after, Nova was relatively certain he’d never be able to harbor feelings for her, let alone be interested in a relationship. 

She wasn’t even sure if she _wanted_ a relationship with him, either. Not for lack of feelings, but it was hard enough having to deal with days or even weeks with no contact, as well as some of her messages getting overlooked or ignored entirely. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to deal with this sort of distance if they were involved. 

_Stop thinking about that, stupid!_  

She lightly slapped her cheeks, giving her reflection a grimace before turning away, heading out of the showers and back towards her bunk.

* * *

 

Saren drummed his talons against the chair’s arm, eyes wandering over to the clock display just across the room. He hated being here; the apartment he held in the Presidium was sparsely furnished and almost devoid of any sign of life, a testament to how little he tended to use it. Really, he’d almost thought of abandoning the place many times in the past, seeing no real reason to keep it when it was never lived in, but the annoyances he would have to go through just to relinquish it back to the Council or sell it off to one of the many bureaucrats vying for living space in the Citadel’s inner ring had always stopped him from doing so. But at least it still had some utility, even if this situation wasn’t a common one - or one he had ever expected to be in. 

It irritated him how easily he’d allocated time off just for this. A single human girl’s selfish request. 

He let out a low growl, wondering what had come over him the past month. No, this had begun far beyond then, had started _that_ night, what felt like an eternity ago. The annoyed thrum of his subvocals seemed to increase in volume as Nova’s face passed through his mind. He still understood little of why he had allowed any of this, from sitting here preparing for a vidcall to the numerous messages they had exchanged since that morning in the Wards. She was just a human, barely more than a child at that. He should despise her like all the others of her species, hate her for having tempted him to such depravity.  

But he couldn’t. It was a struggle even to be ambivalent to her at this point. 

Trying to avoid brooding further, he rose from the chair and made his way into the kitchen, hunting for food even though he wasn’t hungry. It would at least give him something else to focus on, something besides his infuriating human and the impending talk. Saren felt the longer he thought of her and of all that had transpired in the past two months, the more irritated he would become, to the point of being prone to lash out at her. A part of him wanted to; he wanted to talk down at her, degrade her, spite her for all the maddening feelings of confusion and disorientation he had felt since Chora’s Den. It was her fault he had fallen so low that night, had willingly took advantage of a _human_ who was young enough to be his daughter. But he couldn’t bring himself to allow that. Especially not today.  

It was usually difficult to understand intent through simple text, but every message from Nova always seemed abundantly happy and excitable. It was something Saren was unused to reading, such positive emotions and words being directed towards him. Not even Nihlus was so utterly exuberant while speaking to him, let alone in simple messages. Because of this, he’d felt the hope and worry in her last message, had been able to pick up on just how desperately she wanted to talk to him. It had given him an odd feeling of satisfaction. 

For that reason, he wanted to at least try to make this a good experience for her. Even as he knew not what to say, Saren was preparing himself for however long of a chat she was willing to have. Grudgingly so, perhaps, but with any luck it would be as enjoyable as it had been that time at Chora’s. _Or_ he would be utterly repulsed and hate every moment of it, without alcohol to impede his mental functions. Thinking this, he took hold of a bottle of liquor stuffed in the back of the fridge but did not drink from it.  

Saren returned to his room, placing the unopened bottle on the desk as he slipped back into the chair and started up his terminal. His finger hovered over Nova’s ID for a moment as he contemplated the consequences that could arise from this, only to let out an annoyed snarl as he berated himself. This wasn’t like him to be… _nervous_ , almost. Unnerved by a mere human.  

She picked up almost as soon as he had started the call. The holo-display wavered for a moment as her end crackled to life, a bit fuzzy but clear enough for him to make out her smile and the light in her eye as she shifted in her seat. Saren growled appreciatively as he took in the sight of her in a rather tight shirt, low enough so she couldn’t hear. Almost immediately he wanted to shoot himself, utterly disgusted by his own oggling. 

“Hey, Saren… um, good evening I suppose? Time here on Earth is a bit different from space, s-so.. um…” she greeted, already beginning to stutter. It had always been oddly endearing. 

“Evening would be an appropriate word, yes.” 

“Right, sorry. Um…” Saren watched as her gaze wavered, and she lightly bit her lip. He leaned back in his chair, resting an elbow against the arm and setting his chin on his fist as he allowed his eyes to roam a little. “Sorry, I thought about a lot of stuff to… to t-talk about, but now I’ve kind of just forgot.” 

“Take your time. I have nowhere to be at the moment, so this call is entirely dictated by your own availability,” he said, attempting to keep his voice even. He was already feeling irritated. His eyes briefly flicked to the bottle of alcohol before returning to Nova. 

“H-How have you been? I know we’ve been messaging a lot, but… um..” 

“I haven’t sustained any injuries, if you’re worried about that. I assure you I am in perfect health, aside from a headache here and there from… irritations.” 

“Irritations..?” her voice had grown meek, and Saren let out a soft exhale, attempting to hide his smirk by clenching his mandibles tight to his jaw. While he did find her somewhat of an annoyance here and there, however mildly, he wasn’t about to say so. And despite not understanding why she would even think herself one of his irritations, he wasn’t about to let her believe it. 

She was only human. Her species always seemed to think of themselves first, even in a negative light. 

“Yes, usually ones brought on by my assignment. Certain things can become tiresome to deal with; an elcor diplomat trying to insist they have no connection to a local drug cartel, a volus trying to talk circles around a question. I can’t fully express how much I _loath_ the speech of elcor, nor how maddening the sound of a volus breathing after every word is.” 

That received a light giggle from her, and the sound was refreshing. He had to fight even harder to keep his mandibles still, lest he betray his own amusement at her reaction. 

“I don’t know, the way the elcor speak is sort of interesting. But I guess for a mission it would be annoying to deal with… were those hints as to what your last two assignments were about?” she smiled as she spoke, leaning closer towards her monitor and thus giving Saren an even clearer view of her face. He noted her hair was shorter now, cut more closely to her jaw compared to the length it was when they had last seen one another. It was almost regretful; he’d found it rather pleasing. Or at least as pleasing as a human’s foreign appearance could be to his eyes. 

“Am I to assume you will continue badgering me about them until I tell you?” 

“I… w-well, I’d like to hear more of your stories, but if you don’t want to or can’t speak about it, I understand!” 

Her voice was wavering again. That wasn’t acceptable. 

“The situations were resolved with little fuss, and even should word get out to the general public about it, it would not be of any consequence now. I can go over what was involved, if you’re truly so interested.” Saren allowed himself a pleased rumble from his subvocals as he saw the girl’s face light up, lips turning in a smile and eyes alight with curiosity. Such a captive audience he had for what were honestly some of his more mundane assignments.

* * *

 

“ - And so after making my way through the complex, I finally found my target and incapacitated him. Getting out proved a simple matter even with them in tow - I only wish it hadn’t involved _going right back_ through that room. Pray to whatever god you choose that you never have to witness an elcor trying to mate with a non-elcor. I think my nightmares will regularly involve hearing them drone on with such phrases as ‘With unrelenting desire’ and ‘With increasing arousal’.”  

Her laugh was infectious, and Saren allowed himself a smile as she took a few moments to compose herself once again. He enjoyed the sound - it was pure, quite different than the constant giggling she’d done while drunk, and utterly innocent, fitting the girl eliciting it. He’d noticed she had a habit of closing her eyes tightly when she laughed, lips parted fully to the point she always brought her hand up over her mouth as soon as she started. It seemed to travel through her entire body, causing her shoulders to shake in time with the sound and her chest to heave. He wasn’t quite used to such an exuberant display - especially not in response to a story of his. 

“N-No, don’t put that in my mind or I’ll hear it too,” she managed to say between chuckles, rubbing at her eyes and still with that smile on her face. Her spasms soon died down enough that she could lean back in her chair with a sigh, eyes meeting his again. Her smile seemed to grow, and he cocked his head curiously. “I think this is the first time I’ve seen you smile, Saren.” 

As if on instinct, his mandibles dropped and he snorted, breaking his eyes away from her. He heard her chuckle. 

“S-Sorry, I just thought it was… nice. You always seemed a little… I don’t know. It’s just nice to see you smile. You look even more handsome.” 

“Handsome?” The word was unexpected, and he turned back to her with renewed curiosity. The lighting on her end was dark, only the monitor giving her any sort of illumination, but even so Saren thought he noticed her cheeks growing darker. 

“I-I mean, just. Um.. y-y’know. Smiling always m-makes everyone light up, it’s just. Um. N-Nice to see you smile, I’m glad we c-can smile.” 

He let the silence hang in the air for a moment after her floundering, finding it amusing to see her squirming uncomfortably. She was definitely flushed, and it was all he could do to keep his subvocals in check as a more innappropriate memory bubbled to the surface. Saren was rather surprised she could find him attractive - he’d frequently heard humans refer to his species as some variation of their prehistoric reptiles, and still recalled the derogatory term used against them during the First Contact War. But despite the unexpectedness of it, he took pleasure in the fact - not entirely from a boost to his ego (he knew he was far too old to be considered attractive by his species any longer, let alone his monochrome coloration and barefaced status) but out of a sense of triumph, similar to that which he had felt while penetrating the young girl still gazing at him so attentively. A feeling like he had utterly ruined her for her own species; that he had proven the turian species superior in every way, especially with regards to how easily they could please a lover. 

Finally he took pity on her, having gained enough entertainment from her squirming. “Is there anything else you wish to discuss? I’ve told you all I can of my latest assignments.” 

“O-Oh, um… I don’t have anything in specific. Were there any other, um.. s-stories that were like the one with the consort chambers? Minus overly e-excitable elcor, that is…” she asked, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear and pointedly avoiding looking directly at him. Saren was a little regretful that she wasn’t physically here with him. He could think of a few different ways to bring those attractive emerald eyes back to him. 

Saren leaned back, rubbing at his chin as he thought. He certainly wasn’t lacking for stories involving various whorehouses across the galaxy, though few seemed to stick out in his mind enough to recall the details of that particular assignment. There was one incident, however, that did stand out solely by way of the irritating memory attached to it.. 

“Perhaps I should tell you of this time in The Sanctuary. Are you familiar with the place?” He knew she wasn’t even before she shook her head. It hadn’t been an actual question. “It was an upper-class brothel located on Elysium, I believe - one of your human colonies, though it’s an attraction to all species in the galaxy. I was in the process of tracking down the Blue Suns, a mercenary band that is primarily active within the Skyllian Verge and the Terminus Systems; they had been hired by someone to attack a human research base on Sidon.”

“I think I heard about Sidon… someone mentioned it during training, maybe..” 

Saren exhaled slowly, a little irritated by the interruption. But it wouldn’t do to be impatient with her. “Yes, I suppose your Alliance would make mention of it even now. Doubtful that they released the full story even so, but that is a topic for another time. Regardless, I was interested to learn the reason for the attack, believing it may possibly be a threat to galactic peace. For this reason, I was tracking down a Blue Suns member, and followed one into the brothel.” 

He was pleased to see her attention was fully focused on him again, eyes meeting his own as she leaned forward. Thankfully she remained quiet, allowing him to tell the story at his own pace. He was glad for that, as his mind was still processing how to omit certain… gruesome details from this retelling. Normally he wouldn’t have bothered, but something told him Nova wouldn’t enjoy a detailed recounting of how he had tortured someone for information. 

“They must have been paid handsomely for the work, for despite his low-class status among his own species, this batarian member went into a high-class whorehouse and I assume became enraged by the looks of judgement he received from those within. Batarians have a strict social hierarchy, and he was overstepping his place-” he paused for a moment, noticing how Nova was pulling away and breaking their gaze. Odd. “... He made the mistake of requesting a human consort. The employees were fully aware what he intended to do - he wanted to hurt her, make an example out of her.” 

Saren felt an uncomfortable sense of guilt come over him as he recalled feeling similarly that night at Chora’s. The feeling only increased as he watched Nova wrap her arms over her chest, gripping at her shoulders and fully turning away from him. He neglected to continue the story, growing concerned over the human’s withdrawn state. 

“Is something troubling you?” he asked her, softer than one would have expected of him. He leaned close to the monitor, not bothering to suppress the worried undertone in his subvocals as he tried to gain her attention once again. 

She didn’t immediately respond, instead biting her lip and drawing her legs up into her chair, encircling them with her arms and resting her forehead on her knees. The thrum only increased, and he knew she could probably hear it easily now - even if she wouldn’t understand. “N-No, just… I’m sorry, it’s.. it’s nothing. Something that happened a long time ago.” 

“That doesn’t really sound like ‘nothing’.” 

“I’m okay. Sorry, I’m… please don’t worry, I’m fine, Saren. I’m sorry for interrupting.” Her eyes lifted, and he felt she tried to give him a smile. It was half-hearted and hollow, though. Saren let out a snarl, mandibles pressing close to his jaw. 

“Nova,” he growled, fixing her with a hard stare. It certainly gained her attention, though he noticed the wince in response to the harshness in his voice. “What did I say that made you uncomfortable? I am not a mind-reader, and the only way to avoid this in the future is if you are honest with me.” 

Silence. 

“Nova,” he said again, softer this time but still keeping the edge to his tone. She lowered her head slightly. He tried to remain patient as he continued, “Was it about the human whore?” 

“N-No… well, sort of. I’m…” She shook her head, turning her eyes away again. Saren wished she wouldn’t do that; without being able to see them, he felt as if he could hardly understand any of her movements. She expressed herself most heavily through those glittering eyes. “I’m sorry. I just.. can’t talk about that. N-Not right now, anyway…” 

More silence. Saren sighed and leaned back in the chair, eyes wandering to the bottle of liquor nearby as he heavily debated whether to pop it open. Anger was surging through him all of a sudden, though he was unsure whether it was directed at her or himself. He most certainly felt as if he’d acted foolishly. But he understood the girl’s reluctance to share something from her past - especially if the memory bothered her this much. He hadn’t ever been willing to speak of his own life much either, of the regret and fury he still carried from the First Contact War. Even now, he didn’t feel any desire to share with her. Forcing her to do so would be unfair. Yet he couldn’t help feeling deprived, useless. 

“H-Hey, what about that one planet you mentioned before? B-Back at Chora’s, I mean. Casbin, I think..?” 

He knew what she was doing, and some part of Saren wanted to deny her, to keep the conversation focused on what had made her react that way, force her to speak to him of it. But he couldn’t do that to her - not right now. It was infuriating, not understanding why he tried so hard to keep her happy. 

“The Sanctuary World, yes. Normally landing there would incur stiff fines and potential imprisonment, but an exception was made for me during an investigation into a system-wide disturbance…” 

* * *

 

It was almost too soon when the time came for Nova to say goodbye. As Saren watched her get up from her terminal for a moment to step outside, only to return with a guilty look on her face, he felt a heavy sense of disappointment settle on his shoulders. 

“Lights out, Saren… I’ll have to go before I get in trouble,” she said, leaning back in her chair and almost looking as if she was pouting. But her expression was much brighter than it had been an hour ago. 

He nodded, moving forward to cross his fingers together as he leaned on the desk. “Understandable. And I wouldn’t forgive myself for assisting in such a thing - you also need your rest.” 

“Y-Yeah… I kind of woke up earlier than I needed to, as well…” she laughed, looking rather guilty about the fact. Saren’s mandible quirked in a small smile. “Honestly been fighting off sleep for a while now… u-um, n-not because you’ve been boring me or anything, though!” 

“I know, Nova. You’ve been an attentive audience this entire night.” 

Neither of them moved to end the call. Saren cocked his head slightly at her as she swivelled in her chair for a moment, looking rather contemplative as she did so. Searching for the right words? He certainly was, though was leaving it up to her to break away first. Their eyes met, and she gave him a small smile. 

“Thank you for all the stories tonight, Saren. It’s really fun hearing about them… and.. and it was nice to hear your voice again. I expect to hear plenty more the next time we’re able to do this!” 

He chuckled. “If they are noteworthy enough, I will try. I hope this has been an enjoyable day of birth for you, though I still can’t imagine why you wanted to spend it with an old man like myself.” 

“You’re not _that_ old, Saren!” She shared in his laugh, her own so much more musical. 

“Old enough to be your father, Nova,” he reminded her, voice lowering slightly in a warning. While the odd flirtations here and there throughout the night had been enjoyable enough, he still felt the need to remind her of the vast difference between them - not just in biology, but age as well. He wasn’t going to let his lecherous thoughts tempt him again, nor give her any hope of this… odd relationship forming into anything more than what it was now. Noticing the way her smile dropped slightly, he moved away from that line of conversation, continuing, “Be sure to rest yourself thoroughly for training tomorrow. Energy and stamina are your greatest weaknesses - so allow yourself to recharge in order to keep building up stamina. Understand?” 

“Yes.. thank you, Saren. I’ll keep pushing myself!” 

“Good girl. Get going, now.” 

“Y-Yeah, I should. Um, I’ll.. message you later then? If that’s okay… hopefully we can do another vidcall soon.” He nodded, leaning back in his seat and crossing his leg as he watched her eyes move just above where his video feed was displaying, arm reaching forward before she stopped. Gazing back at him, she smiled again. “Goodnight Saren, and thank you for talking to me. It’s been the best part of my day… sleep well.” 

“You as well, Nova,” he responded, watching as the feed cut out to static for a moment before finally closing. Saren let out a sigh, finally reaching towards the bottle and popping it open, taking a long swill as he stared up at the ceiling. 

He couldn’t help feeling she’d chosen a path she wasn’t built for, going into the Alliance. Like his own military, there seemed to be an almost blind devotion among humans to the Systems Alliance and all its divisions, but he could scarcely wrap his head around how a girl like Nova decided that was what she wanted to do with her life. She was a biotic, of course - and they always had utility within a military unit. But her personality, her entire _being_ just didn’t fit with the sort of strict and regimented training and discipline required by any military in the galaxy. He felt more than a small measure of concern for whether she could handle things beyond basic training.  

He took another drink, curiosity getting the better of him as he began brooding on her decision to enlist and the afterthoughts of how she had reacted to his story involving that batarian. Opening up a connection to the Spectre requisition offices, he put in a request for Alliance personnel files of the most recent group of enlistees from Earth. Even if Nova wasn’t willing to tell him of her past, that wasn’t about to stop him from sating his interest. 

The files came in sooner than he’d expected, having only taken the amount of time it took for him to get up, shower, and return back to his desk. Not that Saren was overly surprised by it, nor disappointed. He resumed his seated position and quickly began browsing through the rather high amount of dossiers, discarding the ones he didn’t need until finally he came upon the familiar blonde-haired human. 

Nova Shepard, age 17 (now 18). Blonde hair, green eyes, fair complexion. Even in the photo, she had a light to her eyes that just drew Saren in. He skimmed over the majority of the early part of her file, already knowing most of the information simply by way of having spoke to the girl - but a single entry stopped him dead in his tracks. 

_Place of Origin: Mindoir_  

A memory he had long since buried flashed in his mind. Fire; blood; charred corpses and blackened blast marks; a child crying, scuttling into his view after he fired a warning shot. A little girl with impossibly green eyes. 

Saren stared at the dossier for a moment, almost transfixed by the word. Mindoir _. Mindoir. A little girl clinging to his hand._ Scrolling down, his suspicions were fully confirmed as he read of how her colony had been attacked by batarian slavers in 2170. There was no room to even pretend that she may have been someone else. The little girl and Nova were one in the same, the only survivor of that raid. He almost snarled, feeling the weight of his recent actions crash down on him with even more force than before - realizing what he had triggered in her by mention of a batarian wanting to harm a human. Saren swore, turning away from the terminal in disgust as he nearly jumped out of his seat, swiping at the bottle of alcohol and draining it completely of all contents as he paced just in front of his desk.  

Did she even remember it was him who had rescued her? How could she? Saren was inclined to message her immediately and ask, but stopped himself, refusing to go down that road. Given their initial meeting in Chora’s, he highly doubted she remembered. It was very likely she didn’t remember much about Mindoir at all, possibly having blocked out the memory due to trauma. He winced as he thought of the way she’d withdrawn upon his mention of the batarian, guilt churning within him. He may very well have triggered a painful flashback for her. It only made sense that even if she’d suppressed the memories, the feelings of fear and anguish those slavers brought on would remain every time she looked at or heard mention of the species. 

It was like that for him, after all. The memory of what happened to his brother never left him, nor did the hatred of humans that the event instilled. 

Saren laughed dryly. Perhaps he and Nova were more alike than he’d believed.  
  
He was going to need another bottle of liquor.


End file.
